Tuesday, July 31, 2012

16 ways to please ur Girl....The Best of 16 ;)

1. Caricias http://goo.gl/kKXjb
2. Degustar http://goo.gl/1R9c4
3. Lamer. http://goo.gl/oESTi
4. Probar http://goo.gl/jEBE0
5. Silicon? http://goo.gl/td61N
6. Resistir http://goo.gl/brkc0
7. Abrir. http://goo.gl/Wa4nq
8. Explorar http://goo.gl/MflLd
9. Cuatro http://goo.gl/6haz7
10. Sin desespero http://goo.gl/cJxFx
11. Pasion http://goo.gl/gamr1
12. Fuerza http://goo.gl/WJ3R9
13. Estirar http://goo.gl/WW2nK
14. Circular http://goo.gl/mS4Aw
15. Muscular http://goo.gl/xfrMz
16. Dominio http://goo.gl/m3H6I

Thursday, July 26, 2012

A Maths Prof. sent a SMS 2 Wife,"U r 54 yrs & unable to satisfy me.So I'm with my 18 year old Gf & will b late
She replied,"Darling u r also 54 yrs & I m with our 18 year Old Driver. I hope u being a maths prof can understand tht 18 goes 3 Times into 54,But 54 doesnt go even once into 18,So take ur time.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

"Negotiations"

Two strangers, a man and woman are
seated at a dinner party together. The
man turns to the woman and says, I've
got a hypothetical question for you miss.
The woman, curious, says "O.K. shoot."
The man says "If a man were to offer you
one million dollars to sleep with him, would
you do it?"
The woman thinks for a moment and finally
answers "I guess I would.... for a million dollars."
The man smiles and says "Then will you sleep
with me for thirty-five dollars?"
The woman, with a shocked expression on
her face, stands and screams at the man,
"Of course I won't. What do you think I am!"
To which the man replies, "We've already
determined WHAT you are, now we're just
negotiating the price."

Have YOU checked today's DATE..? This DATE is for you & me.. & for ALL of us.. to be in touch & to be remembered.. "It's 24X07X12".. stay connected .. 24hrs. X 07days X 12months.. FOREVER FRIENDS

A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Paterson about enlarging her breasts.
Dr. Paterson advised her, "Every day after your shower, rub your chest" and say, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!"
She did this faithfully for several months!
To her utter amazement she grew terrific D-cup boobs!
One morning, she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual.
Frightened, she might lose her lovely BOOBS if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood up in the middle aisle of the bus, closed her eyes and said, "Scooby doobie, doobies, I want bigger boobies."
A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked, "Oh! r u a patient of Dr.Paterson's?
"Yes I am. How did you know?'
He winked and replied, " Hickory dickory dock" :)

Do u know what is the best time to smile?
press LT(space)LD(space). Try it.

My boss pulled up in his brand new AUDI today and I couldn't help but admire it.

"Nice car," I said as he got out.

"Well," he said, noticing my admiring looks, "Work hard, put the hours in, and I'll have an even better one next year."

Dost:Biwi se Jhagda Solve hua kya?

Amar:Ghutno pe Chal k Aayi thi Mere Paas.

Dost: waah mere sher, fir Kya Boli?

Amar: Boli Palang k Neeche se Nikal Aao,
Ab Nahi Maarungi..

Wenevr u read a luv msg..,

u immdtly thnk of d person u lov d most
bt nvr thnk of d prson who sent it!
Strange na...
Saala kharcha kiska
aur charcha Kiska..

Boy: Sweetheart, I Have Two Tickets Of English Movie Wanna Come?
Girl: Which Movie?
Boy: Condom Of Shailesh
Girl : You Idiot Its Quantum Of Solace.

A grl 2 hr frnds : I M IN LOVE
Girl1: who is he?
G2: wht's name?
G3: where he live?
G4: wht he do?
G5: he also love u?
G6: did u meet him?
G7: why u love him?
After full inspiration
all grls: he is not a gud guy leave him
grl: ok
same situation
A boy 2 his frnds
I M IN LOVE
Boy1: party de
B2: party de
B3: party de
B4: party de
B5: party de
B6: party de
B7: party de

SRABI-Agr mere hath me SARKAR ho to me DESH ki takdir badal dunga.
WIFE- haramkhor pehle apna pajama to badal le, subah se meri SALVAR pehan kar ghum raha hai,

Saturday, July 21, 2012

One day love asked friendship
"Why are you in the world when i am here" Friendship smiled and said "To spread smiles where you leave tears"

What is Stress? -
You gave a lift to a beautiful girl;;),
she fainted inside your car & you took her to the hospital.
Now that's stressful!8-|

But at the hospital the doctor said she is pregnant & congratulated you that you're going to be a father.:/
You denied>:/but the girl said you are:O
This is getting very stressful!>:O

To prove that you're not the father, you requested a DNA test.
After the tests, the doctor said you are sterile and can't impregnate a woman:&
You are extremely stressed:$but relieved#:-s

But on your way home you suddenly remembered you have 3 kids at home..:|
Who the hell is their father:O:O:O?

NOW THAT'S STRESS!!X_X

The best way to make permanent place in someone's heart and mind is :-
.
.
"Borrow MONEY" from them....

Marathi grammer class

Guruji-"Ti mulgi sarv mulankade pahun haste."

sang bar gopya ya wakyat 'mulgi' kay ahe?

Gopya-Guruji 'mulgi' chapri ahe.

Santa ne apni Biwi ko Shaadi ki raat hi TALAQ de dia.
Quki
Biwi ki Panty Pe Likha Hua Tha:

"100% SOFT & SILKY. TESTED BY ROOPCHAND & SONS, SADAR BAZAR.".

A guy lookin at Pamela Andersons B-obs: You have quite a Dairy farm there!!
Pamela : No, its actually a Poultry farm. It RAISES "Co-ks "

Pranab Mukherji says after nomination for
president: "Mera khada hona mushkil hi tha,lekin yeh to Sonia ji ke hath ka kamal hai."

HasyaKatta

God is in Dabbangg mood..
"Hum tumhari city me aisa climate create karenge k confuse ho jaoge k Raincoat pehne ya Suncoat"..:D

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Position of husband is like a split a.c. No matter how loud he is outside, but inside d house, he is designed 2 remain silent, cool & controlled by remote...

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

http://ourlighterside.com/stuff/no-woods/

https://p.twimg.com/Ax67VoaCQAA8eKZ.jpg

https://p.twimg.com/Ax67CiNCEAEWuIm.jpg

https://p.twimg.com/Ax6r_h1CEAAY0B0.jpg

https://p.twimg.com/Ax59hpJCIAET4aU.jpg

"पाऊले चालती बियरबारची वाट"
"जातांना सुसाट येताना तराट"
अजुन नाही आले "हे" घरात
येताना पङले का हो गटारात ?

HAPPY ॥GATARI

Why is Bangladesh not sending a contingent to Olympics?
Because anyone who can run, jump or swim has already crossed the border of the country...

A Negro wanted to go to a fancy dress party
He told his Indian wife to get a costume
Wife gets a snowman suit.
Negro: wtf!!! U bloody Indian have u seen a black snowman! Get me another one.
She gets a santa suit
Negro: wtf!!! U bloody Indian! have u eva seen a black santa! Get another suit!
Wife, gets pissed n brings bamboo
Negro: what m I to do wid this?

Wife: g-and mein daal aur chocobar banja bhench-d!!

Wife: I've Changed My Mind...
Husband: Thank God !!!
Does it Work Now ?....=))

Wenevr u read a luv msg..,

u immdtly thnk of d person u lov d most
bt nvr thnk of d prson who sent it!
Strange na...
Saala kharcha kiska
aur charcha Kiska..

Dost:Biwi se Jhagda Solve hua kya?

Amar:Ghutno pe Chal k Aayi thi Mere Paas.

Dost: waah mere sher, fir Kya Boli?

Amar: Boli Palang k Neeche se Nikal Aao,
Ab Nahi Maarungi.. =D =D

Sardar's son filling Application form.

The form asked about
"Mother Tongue?"

Son-
Main ethe ki likhan.?

Sardar-
Likh puttar- very LONG & out of CONTROL..

HAMARE YAHA

Naya

Purana

Acha

Bura

Taza

Basi

Tuta futa

SABHI Prakar k SMS/BBM/WA Sweekar kiye Jate h
KRIPYA BHEJTE RAHE

A Man was walking in rain, A lady came: Why dont u share my umbrella?
Man: Its ok sister & Walked away

Moral: moral voral kuch nai, pichhe bivi aa rahi thi.

Santa ki shadi hui.
Usne dady se kaha ki use kuchh nahi pata Suhag-rat me kya karna hai.
Daddy ne use 1 'Walkie Talkie' diya aur kaha tu jab bed pe hogato mujhe call karna,
main tujhe bataunga kya karna hai
Santa- daddy mai ready hoon
Dady- abi tu apne or apni biwi k kapde utaar
Santa- utaar diya ab kya karoon?
Daddy- Abhi tu uske niche woh cheez daalna jo sirf tere aur mere paas hai uske pass nahi
@
@
@
@
@
@

Santa ne Walkie talkie daal diya

BOY - Ek Shot Ka Kitna Logi..?
Girl - 1000

B - Aur 3 Ka
G - 2000

B - Aur 4 Ka..
G - Abe Madarch-d,
3 K Upar Tu Maar..
Fir Mai Tuje 1 Ka 2000 Dungi..

Darr matlab???
?
?
?
4 Dost 1 bathrum me nange naha rahe the.
Achanak Sabun niche gir gaya lekin,
kisi ne JUKH kar uthaya nahi...
Ise kahate hai darrrrr..

Ek aadmi ke 3 dost the.
Teeno doctor the.
2 pagal the,
1 ko samajh nahi thi.
Jiss ko samajh nahi thi,
Uss ke 3 hospital the.
2 band the,
1 khulta nahi tha,
Joh khulta nahi tha uss
main 3
Fans the,
2 band the,
1 chalta nahi tha,
Joh chalta nahi tha uss ko 3
Mechanic ke pass le gaye.
2 ko kaam nahi aata tha,
1 khud kaam nahi karta
tha,
Jo khud kaam nahi karta
tha,
Uss ke 3 naukar the,
2 kaam pe aate nahi the,
1 ghar main hi rahta tha,
Joh ghar main rahta tha,
Woh wohi Shuru wala
aadmi tha,
Jiss ke 3 dost the...
Mere bhi 3 dost the.
2 pagal ho gaye aur
1 abhi ho raha hai...:p =)) =D

Tadpe Bahut Pr Wo Maan Nhi Paye,
Is Dil Ki Mohbat Jaan Nhi Paye,
1Din Chale Jayenge Is Duniya Se Or Wo Kahenge Lot Aao Hm Apko Pehchan Nhi Paye

Aankhon mein aansu aa jate hai. Phir bhi labon par hasi rakhni padti hai, yeh mohabbat bhi kya cheez hai yaaron, jiss se karo usi se chupani padti hai:p

Dear S-xscriber, Ur S-X Balance is Low, Ur Account Will be Put into Virginity Mode. Pls Ref-ck as Soon as Possible to Keep Ur Account ACTIVE. Condoms Apply

It's very nice to discuss problems
with friends not because that they
will solve it
but saale aise stupid suggestions denge ki
problem bhul jaaoge

Gujarati opened a Tea stall in china....after struggling for a name of the stall, he got success when he kept the name..
.
.
.
.
.
'' Fu Ki Fu Ki Ne Pee ''

First ever joke where sardar wins... :p

1 ENGINEER

1 BBA Student and

1 Sardar

SHIP Me Ja Rahe thy,
1 JINN aa Gya or Bola:

Samandar me koi Cheez Phenko
Agar mene Dhond Li to me tumhe Mar Dunga

Or na Dhond Paya to me Tumhara Ghulam

Engineer ne Needle Phenki
JINN ne Dhond Li or Usey Mar Dia

BBA Student ne Memory Card Phenka
JINN ne Dhond Lia or Usey bi Mar Dia

Sardar Ne Disprine Phenki
Wo Pani me Ghul Gayi

Sardar Bola: Chal Beta Ghar Chal Bahut Kaam Pada Hai

JIN Shocked &
"SARDAR" ROCKED

Monday, July 16, 2012

A man found a lamp in d street.
He rubbed it.
It blasted n d man Died.

Moral: Not everything belongs 2 ALADIN,
some things belong 2 BINLADEN too! =))

A sardar's girlfriend told him to bring the PROTECTION next time they go on a date.

Sardar brought
3 Brothers and
5 Cousins
with hockey sticks with him !

Gujju Shayri:

Chand ne laavu tara chok ma, Gulaab ni Pakhadi lagavu tara Hoth ma,
Hira no Haar pehravu tari Dok ma, Pan Hamna aa mandi ma tu mari Pattar thok ma thok ma thok ma..

Wife on fone : kaha ho aap ?
Pati : tumhe wo jwellry shop yad hai jaha tumhe 1 diamond ka set bahut pasand aya tha,pr mere pas paise nahi they.
aur maine wada kiya tha 1 din dilwaunga.
wife : khush hote huye.Ha ha mjhe sab yad hai.
Pati: ha to usi shop k baju wali shop pe baal katwa raha hu..

Rules in friendship

1.Nvr Ask for a Hug,Just take it
2.Nvr ask Do U miss me,Say I miss u
3.Nvr ask can u help me,Say i want u to do this 4 me
4.Nvr say I Cant live widout u,Say I live 4 u :)
5.Nvr say u r my best frnd,frnds r always best
6.Last bt nt the least..nvr say thank u/sorry or plz,instead say anytime 4 u

Friendship is not Bound to Limits,No secret,No privacy,always open Hearted.

So feel free to express any feeling to ur frnd..

Law of equality:- d time taken by a wife when she says 'I'll get ready in 5 minutes is exactly equal to d time taken by husband when he says 'I'll cal u in 5 minutes!!

Tips to Understand Your Gujju friends:

What they say ...
What they mean to say:

Boll......................Ball
Hole.....................Hall
Hall.....................Hole
Snakes.............Snacks
Pogram.........Program
Egg-joss.........Exhaust
Fota...............Photos
Lipti............Lipstick
Phast...........Fast
Phulowur....Flower
Gilas............Glass
Palty............Party
Gorment...Government
Peeja..........Pizza
Punch.........Sponge
Die-Vos.........Divorce
Impotent.....Important
New Brand...Brand new
Istill.............Steel
Bowel...........Bowl
JeeTV............ZeeTV
Coal.............Call
Col age.........College
Istawbury...Strawberry
Isscul..........School
Soaping... Shopping
Vija................Visa
Pecial .......... Special Megha....Mega.

RAMAYANA KA SAAR :

Poori Ramayan biwiyon ki kahani hai.
LAXMAN apni biwi ko ghar pe chhodkar chala aaya.
RAWAN dusre ki utha ke fas gaya.
Sugreev ne RAM ka saath iss liye diya kyoki usse apni biwi bali se vapas chahiye thi.
HANUMAN ki apni thi hi nahin magar dusre ki dhundhne
ke chakkar mein LANKA jalaa dali.
RAM ko apni vapas chahiye thi toh usse dus din tak yudh karna pada,
aur end mein kya hua ??
jis biwi ke kaaran itni
RAMAYAN hui woh toh underground ho gayi.
Abhi socho itna jhamela hua
kyo??
kyoki DASHRATH ki 3 biwiya thi.

MORAL-- purane jamane se hi biwi ki
magajmari chali aa rahi hai,
2nd moral .. Jab bhagwan hi biwi se nahin bacch sakke toh, AAP toh aakhir insaan hain.

From a woman's point of view;

- The most perfect man in the world is her father :)
- The most abused husband in the world is her brother :p
- The most handsome man in the world is her son =D
- The luckiest and happiest man in the world is her sister's husband ;)
- The most thankful man in the world is her son in law :*
- And the worst, most selfish, heartless, total jerk and the man with worst behavior in the world is her husband.

Acche Waqt Ki 1 Buraai Hoti Hai Ki:
Wo 1 Din Chala Jata Hai
-*-
-*-
-*-
Aur, Bure Waqt Ki 1 AcchaiHoti Hai Ki:
Wo Zyada Der Tak Nahi Rahta.

Dard kya hota hai bataenge kisi roz,
kamaal ki ik gazal sunaenge kisi roz,
udne ne do in parindo ko azad fizaon mein,
hamare huye to laut aayengey kisi roz...

Ek Baar Maruti Aur Nano Apas Mein Baat Kar Rahe Thhe
Maruti: " Abe Yaar, Teri Aankhein (Headlights) Bahar Kyu Hai? "
Nano Rote Hue: " Sali, Agar Teri Bhi G-and Par Engine Rakha Hota To TujheBhi Pata Chal Jata

It takes a lot of experience n courage on the first night after marriage to

.
.
.

Kiss like a beginner

Lost in 'hindi' translation! =)) =))

1)Yo baby! wasup? ~arre munni!ye upar kya
hai? :O
2)Listen buddy, dat chick is mine~suno dost,wo murgi ka baccha mera hai.
3)R u nuts?~kya aap akhrot hai?
4)Rock d party baby ~patthar maro jashn mein, bachhi. X_X
5)Lets hangout! ~chalo bahar latakte hai.
6)She Is Kidding~Woh Bachey Dey Rahi Hai =))

Teacher-What is ur name?
Sutdent-Nisaar
Teacher- Batao ki tum kaise paida huwe?
Nisaar- Jawani Janeman,Hasin Dilruba,Mile Jo Dil Jawa,Nisaar Ho Gaya.:p

Medical Science says:- "Tight clothing slows down Blood Circulation"
But the Truth is.... "Tighter the Woman's clothing, Faster the circulation of Man's blood''

Sabse pavitra cheez agar hai to wo hai Purush ka Ling .
-Ye bahut vinamra hai, hamesha jhuka rehta hai.
-Ye dayalu hai, ladkiyon ki gode bharta hai.
-Ye asli guru hai, jo apne do chelon ka saath nahi chhodta.
-Isme sadgi hai, ye chhoti si gufa me raat guzarta hai.
-Ye adarniya hai, nari ko dekh ke khada ho jata hai.
-Ye farishta hai, chahe kitna modo marodo isme se amrit hi niklta hai, jis se shristi chalti hai.
Aap Ke Pass hai to msg aage bheje..

Santa in Chinese Hotel.
Chinese Waiter :"Sir I have Stewed Liver,
Boiled Tongue
& Frog's Legs.."

Santa : "Don't tell me ur Problems, give the Menu Card!! :D

When u r in love, wonders happen.

Once u get married, u wonder, what happened...

Santa : bhabhi ka naam kya hai?
Banta : Google kaur
S : ye kaisa naam hai
B : ek sawal karo,hazar jawab deti hai
S : bete ka naam?
B : Facebook singh
S : aisa kyun??'
B : kuch kaho to puri society main faila deta hai
S : aur beti ka naam?
B: twitter kaur, is se pahle tum puchho, i tell u. sara din chahkti rahti n pura mohalla follow karta hai

Bas ab ek haan ke intezaar me raat yunhi guzar jaayegi,
ab toh bas uljhan hai saath mere neend kahan aayegi,
Subah ki kiran na jaane konsa sandesh laayegi,
rimjhim is gungunayegi ya pyaas adhuri reh jaayegi…

EK SARAS KAVITA.....

Hey bhagvan ek var kalyug ma aavi to jo,
Gokul ma gaayo khub charavi, Rastani gaayo hatavi to jo,
Gopiyo na dudh dahi khub khadha,
Italian pizza khai to jo,
Gilli danda bahu ramya,
atyare Bharat ni team ma select thai to jo,
14 ma varse mama kans ne marya , Dawud ne aangali adadi to jo
Chir to te purya dropadi na,
Mallika ne kapda paheravi to jo,
Gokul ma te 1600 gopiyo rakhi,
Ek patni atyare sachavi to jo
Hey bhagvan ekvar Kalyug ma aavi to jo.

Wife: I've Changed My Mind...
Husband: Thank God !!!
Does it Work Now ?....=))

1 PAKISTANI U.S.A.se apni AMMI ko phone krta he.
KHAN:AMMI Jaan muze AIDS ho gaya he.
AMMI:Tu wapas mat aana BETA
KHAN:Q AMMI?
AMMI:agar tu aaya to Teri BIWI ko AIDS hoga,
Teri BIWI se tere BHAI ko
Tere BHAI se NOKRANI ko,NOKRANI se tere ABBA ko,Tere ABBA se teri MAUSI ko,Teri MAUSI se tere MOUSA ko,Tere MOUSA se Muze,muz se hamare DRIVER ko,driver se teri Bahen ko,Or Agar teri bahen ko hua. to sare GAON ko ho jayega!
GAON ko bacha le beta. Mat aaaa.

Attitude at its Peak;
Sardar at SBI: My cheque was returned with remark of "Insufficient Funds", I want to know whether it refers to Mine or the Bank.

Man to Air Hostess: What's ur name?
Air Hostess: Eva Benz
Man: Lovely name, any relation with mercedes benz?
Air Hostess, smiling: ''Same price''

A Madrasi said, I want to see the movie 'heart is umbrella'. Which movie did he really want to see? Answer pl.

Teacher : Complete the sentence... "Early to bed and early to rise................"

Student : .......
.
"Man has no interest in his wife

Kasam Khai Thi
Unhe Paane Ki

Shayad Nazar Lag Gai
Zamane Ki

Kafan sE Nikle Hue Haath
Aaj B Kehte hE

Aarzu Reh Gai
Unke
( . )( . )
Dabane Ki !! Waa Waa Waa

Boy : lets play RAPE RAPE..

girl : no Plz, m not in a mood.

Boy : yes, dats d spirit.. ;) =))

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

शाम्या: तुला बस मध्ये त्या बाई ने चापट का मारली ???
.
.
गण्या: माहीत नाही रे.....माझा फोटो खाली पडला होता.....
.
.
मी म्हंटले ओ बाई...."साडी वर करा,मला फोटो घ्यायचा आह..

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