September 2011 ~ BBM

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Funny fact of all indians..
Humko koi cheez saaf bhi karni ho,
Tab bhi, kapda ganda hi mangte hai.

Funny but true
----

Boy-Tu Kitne Baje Uthti He?
GirL-Apna Koi Time Nahi Jab Dil Kare So Jati Hu,Or Jab Dil Kare Uth Jati Hu.
Boy-Notty GirL Tu Bilkul Mere 'LUND' Pe Gayi He.!
-----

Sardar had a leakage in his roof over d dining table.
Plumber asked : Sir, when did u notice it..?
Sardar : last night wen it took me 3hrs to finish my soup:-

Sunday, September 25, 2011

4 Students:
1 of HARVARD
1 of OXFORD
1 of TEXAS
&
1 Santa of PUNJAB UNIVERSITY...
1 Common Question:-

"What is the Fastest thing in the World?"

Student of HARVARD: "Light"

Student of OXFORD: "Thought"

Student of TEXAS:
"Blink of an Eye"

SAntA of PUNJAB UNIVERSITY:
"Loose Motion!"

Because
Last Night I Was Lying On My Bed & Before I Could
"Blink", "Think" or "Turn on the Light"
It was all Over... X_X =D =))
+--

One homo after death goes to heaven.
Yamraj to his assistant : Put him in boiling water.
After a few hours Yamraj to assistant : What happened why did you not
put him boiling water ?
Assistant : Yeh homo mere ko sigdi jalane ke liye bhi jhukne
nahi de raha hai.
---
Married Life.. Is So easy...
It seems Like a Walk In the park..

Only thing is.. the Park is...

JURASSIC PARK..!!

Wo kaunsi cheez he jo fridge me rakhne k baad b garam rehti he?

Nahi pata??

Ans:

Garam Masala

Ma kasam
'Genius Hu par Kabi ghamand nahi kiya !
---

Man in bar orders kingfisher beer.
Lady next to him-Wat a coincidence,
Even i hav orderd kingfisher.
Man-I'm celebrating. Lady-Me too.
Man-Wat a coincidence.
Y r u celebrating?
Lady-my husband & I have tried 4yrs for a baby. Today I'm pregnant.
Man-Wat a coincidence.
I am a farmer, frm 4yrs my hens wer infertile, today all laying eggs.
Lady-Wow How did that happen?
Man-I used a different cock!
Lady SMILED, winked her eyes & said-
WHAT A COINCIDENCE!! :):)
----

Son came home drunk, to avoid moms scolding he took a laptop &
started working.
Mom: are you drunk?
Son: No
Mom: kutte phir suitcase khol ke kya kar raha hai?
----

An Ass,
Behind another ass,
Behind that i
And behind me the whole nation.

Sardar teaching his children the spelling of Assassination..
Hehehe..!!
---

BIWI-Wo saamne sharabi dekh rahe ho?
10 saal pehle maine use shaadi k liye inkar kiya tha
Or
wo aaj tak pee raha hai

PATI-Baap re
itna LAMBA CELEBRATION....!
---

KBC
Q: INDIA mein Kiska Sabse Lamba Hai?
A-Bihari Ka,
B-Marathi Ka,
C-Sardar Ka,
D-Gujrati Ka.

Ans: Bihari. Bcoz Rehta Mumbai mein Aur Bacha Gaon mein Hota Hai.
---

Poem on "TAJMAHAL"by
3 diff People:-

BACHELOR:
Taqdir hai magar kismat nahi khulti,
Taj Mahal banana chahta hu, Magar Mumtaz nahi MILTI.

LOVER:
Taqdir hai magar kismt nahi khulti,
Mumtaz milgai hai,
Magar shadi nahi KARTI.

MARRIED:
Taqdir hai magar kismat nahi khulti,
TajMahal banana chahta hu, Magar Mumtaz nahi MARTI.B)
----

A widow goes on her first date since her husband's death, and
afterward the two end up back at her place. Once in the bedroom, she
takes off everything But her black panties.
"You can touch me anywhere else," she says, "but down there I'm still
mourning."
"I figured as much," says the man. He then Proceeds to pull down his
pants and put on a black condom. "If you don't mind, I'd like to offer
my deepest condolences."
---

Santa lyng in hospital...
Banta-kya hua?
Santa-Padosan ki billi mere murge ke piche padi thi, maine uske pati
ko chithi likhi to uske pati ne mujhe bahut peeta.
Banta-Tune kya likha tha? Santa-Keep an eye on ur
Wife's Pussy, she is after my Cock...!!!

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect desert camping and riding trip.

Two days before the group is to leave, Rob's wife puts her foot down
and tells him he isn't going.

Rob's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Rob
sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper
cooking on the fire.

"Dam man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into
letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting
in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my
eyes and said 'guess who'?"

I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through
nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two
dozen candles and rose petals all over.

She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff
her to the bed and I did.

And then she said, "now you can do what ever you want."

So here I am…. :)!

Moral:

Never deny a man meeting his friends!!!!!

Sardar Dost Se: Yar BV Nu Birthday Te Ki Ggift Dawan?
Dost: Apna Lun de.
Sardar: Nahi Yaar Koi Wada Gift Das.
Dost: Fer Mera Lun De De !!!!!
----

Pathan:"Kya hamara JAAN aaj humse naraz hai?
BIWI: Nahi to.
Pathan:"TO phir hamara jaan aaj hamara taraf muh kar k kyu leta hua hai"!
----

CHINESE to ARAB:
I have 10 childrens, one more I will have my own football team.
ARAB:
I have 17 wifes, 1more I will have my private golf course of 18 holes..
----

Watch Porn in Mobile while filling Petrol at a petrol pump. Atleast u
feel better watching someone else also getting Fucked.

Apna sath d ya Qaid-e-tanhai d,
Mujhe kuch b de magar pyar intehai d,
Meri ankho pe u naqsh hai aks tera,
Me khud ko b dekhu to tu dikhai de.
---
_

"Change can't be given to you everytime, You Must Bring the Change"
.
Great lines said by..
.
.
.
Ram Prasad...
(Samose wala)
Meaning- Kripya Khulle Paise de:)
---

ANDHERE Hai Raste Diya Le k Jana,
Apne Ansuo Ki ZIYA Le k Jana,
Tumhe HaR MUSHKIL Se Bacha LEGI Hamesha,
Bus GHAR Se "MAA" ki DUA Lekar Jana.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

A one line advt by a Married Man in a newspaper:-
"For sale: Wedding Suit, wore only once, by mistake":

28 Dec 2002 - Dhirubhai Ambani's vision of making call cheaper than
sending a postcard became a reality!

16 Sep 2011 - Vijay Mallay's dream of making beer cheaper than Petrol
became a reality!

Ram Lanka jeet k vapas laute tab Soorpnakha: Prabhu Mera kya hoga?
Ram:Kalyug me Ayodhya par raj karegi. Lekin teri shadi phir bhi nahi hogi
naam hoga Mayawati

Saturday Refresher ... Pretty funny :p

Man discovered COLORS and invented PAINT.
Woman got inspired from PAINT and invented MAKEUP.

Man discovered WORD and invented CONVERSATION.
Woman got inspired from CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.

Man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD.
Woman got inspired from FOOD and invented DIET.

Man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE.
Woman got inspired from LOVE and invented LOVE TRIANGLES.

Man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY.
Woman got MONEY & startd SHOPPING.

Thats it!

Thereafter, men discovered and invented a lot of things...
WHILE WOMEN ARE STILL STUCK WITH SHOPPING.

Why do we all Marry? Because Romance is not the only Element of Life.
We should also experience Horror, Terror, Suspense, Stupidity &
Tensions of Life..!

1 Pinjre me kuch totey ek Toti ko ched rahe the..
Jabki dusre pinjre me ek Tota puja aur dusra tota Namaz padh raha tha..
Maalik ne socha "kitne nek tote hai inke pinjre me toti safe rahegi..
Usne toti ko nek toton ke pinjre me daal diya..
Jab toti us pinjre me gayi toh puja karne wala tota Namaz padhne wale
tote se bola..
"Utho Khan sahab dua qubool ho gayi...Apni Item aa gayi.."

A Survey found that 58% people want to have sex more than 7 times a week

But the figure droppd drastically to 3% when the words "with your
spouse" were added:)

Finally it has happened !!!!!

After decades, BEER is now CHEAPER than PETROL !!!!!

Now, there will be new slogan : Just Drink - Dont Drive :)

Rosemary divorced Mr. Lele because she was sick of introducing herself
as, 'RozMeri Lele'.

Imagine her tough luck, when she was re-married to Mr. Marlow.. :D

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Petrol up by 3.14, effective midnight. Time to put viagra in ur tanks
again, Atleast the indicator wil stay up

Ladkiyo ki upar ki sabhi cheeze B se shuru hoti he-
Blouse,Bra,Bikini,
Breast or niche ki 'P' se.Peticoat,Panty,pussy
Ab samje admi ko BP ka problem Q hota he.

Mutth k 5 fayde

1Hr bar nyi ladki
2Paise ki bachat
3Jab dil kare
4No risk of aids
5Pakde jane ka dr nhi
Zillat ki CHUT'se
'Izat ki MUTH'achhi h

HEART TOUCHING STORY
Jab maine daru pehli baar pi
Mein apni nazaro mein gir gaya aur

maine daru chhodne ka faisla kiya
Par fir jab meine un tamam daru factory ke majdur, unke biwi bachon ke
baare mein socha to meri aankh bhar aayi aur usi pal faisla kiya ki
abhi se
I will drink regularly

Apne liye toh sab jeete hai..kabhi doosro ke liye bi jee kar dekho yaar.

All day, all nite full tyt!
CHEERS..!*beer*

Sardar-are yaar, ye mobile toh mujhe kangaal kar dega.
dost-kaise?
sardar-har baar kehta hai BATTERY LO (LOW). ab tak 56 batteries le chuka hu

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

A boss gave a mini skirt to his secretary as 1st months salary, in 2nd
month he got impressed by her work and raised her 1st months salary
=))

Whisper has signed up Dhoni as their Brand Ambassador

as he is going through the Worst Period of his Life=))

A short walk is so Difficult
when no one walks with u.
But a long Journey is just like a few steps when
.

a street dog is runnin behind u.

DON ke call ka intezar 11 mulko ke DOST kar rahe he, Lekin 1 bat
samjalo DON ka call aana mushkil hi nahi NAMUMKIN hai Q ki DON k sirf
BBM free hai, call nahi..B)

Shaadi:

Boy: oh! Ye din ka to me kabse intejar karta tha.

Girl: To me ab jau?

B: Nahi bilkul nahi.

G: Do u luv me?

B: Ha. Karta tha, karta hu aur karta rahunga.

G: Kabhi mere sath dhoka karoge?

B: Nahi. Isse achha to me mar jau.

G:Would u like to talk with me?

B: Yes,i like it.

G: Tum muje maroge?

B: Nahi me aisa aadmi nahi hu

G: kya me tum pe vishvash kar sakti hu?

B: yes

G: Oh darling!

AUR SHADI K BAAD YE MSG NICHE SE UPAR KI OR PADHO

Conductor: Bachha ka tkt?
Rajsthani lady: iko b lagego k? Yo to abhi BOBO chuse he.
Cndtr: BOBO to iko baap bhi chuse he. To uke bhi free me bithau kya.=))

branded shayri : If I was Nike and you were Mcdonalds..............
(wah wah).............. If I was Nike and you were
Mcdonalds.............. baby...................... "I'll be doing it"
and "you'll be loving it"!!

Wife playing with husband's penis.
Husband in romantic mood:-
you want to have sex or what ?

Wife in soft voice :- oh na ji na
bas 2-3 lifafe chipkane he..

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Queen Elizabeth & Santa were visiting Royal Stables. A horse farted
very loudly.
Queen (Embarrassed)- I'm so sorry.
Santa-It's OK. I thought it was the horse..

Army Man :s click link n'open.
http://up.2sw2r.com/upfiles/Kr540035.gif

Army Women ;;)
http://up.2sw2r.com/upfiles/KmJ40035.gif

Boy: Baby are you jealous? GF: No Boy: Baby you jealous? GF: I already
told you, No Boy: Pakka na you are not jealous? GF: No, I'm not...
Don't ask me again... Boy: Baby can I hug you? GF : Go & hug that ugly
bitch who liked your status on FaceBook

Jaane kab hum itne bade ho gaye.......

kabhi pehli baar school jane me dar lagta tha, aaj milte hi dost ban
jate hain...

kabhi maa-papa ki har baat scchi lagti thi aaj unhi ko har pal jhut
bolte hain...

pariyon ki kahani ki jagah aaj kal raat ko phone pe dosto ki bate
sunna zyada achha lagta hai...

pehle 1st ane k liye pure saal padhte the, aaj pass hone ko taraste hain...

cartoons ki jagah ab reality shows achhe lagte hain...

kabhi chhoti si chot lagne pe itna rote the, aaj dil tut jata hai fir
bhi sambhal jate hain...

pehle dost bas saath khelne tak yaad rehte the, aaj wahi dost jaan se
zyada pyare lagte he...

Ek din tha jab pal me ladna pal me manana roj ka kam tha, aaj to ek
bar juda hue to fir gehre rishte tak kho jate he..

Sach me zindagi ne bahut kuch sikha diya, jane kab itna bada bana diya..

Jilo is zindagi ko je bhar k mere dost.. Kyoki..
"zindagi na milegi dobara.."

Cardiologist weds a Gynacologist and after a year they are Blessed
with Twin Baby Girls, named...

"ANGINA & VAGINA"......!!!

1 Lohar Ki Bivi Ko
101 Ladkiya THI.

MEDIA Wale Unke
Ghar Pahuch Gye

REPORTER:-Behen Kya Ye 101
Ladkiya Apaki He.?

Aurat:-Nahi,
100 Sunar Ki,
1 Lohar ki =D =)

There are 70 ways to please a girl.. 1 is shopping.. The rest is 69!! =))

Monday, September 12, 2011

Some budding Shayar send this wanting 2 impress his girl:
Arz kiya hai...

Na dum mujh
me hai na meri haddi me hai...

sun to lo...

Na dum mujh me hai na meri haddi me hai

Dum to usme hai jo bina haddi k meri chaddi me hai.!

A LADY conductor Enjoying Sex & was shouting-
Chalo,
andar chalo,
Aur andar,
aagey bahut jagah hai,
jaldi karo,
jo do bahar latak rahe hain unhe bhi andar lelo.

Son:"Daddy, I fell in love & want to date this awesome girl!"
Father: That's great son. Who is she?
Son: It's Sandra, d neighbor's daughter.
Father: Ohhh I wish u hadn't said that. I have to tell u something son,
but u must promise?not?to tell ur mother. Sandra is actually ur sister.
?
The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later ...
Son: Daddy, I fell in love again n she is even hotter!
Father: That's great son. Who is she?
Son: It's Angela, d other neighbor's daughter.
Father: Ohhhh I wish u hadn't said that. Angela is also ur sister.
?
This went on couple of times n d son was so mad, he went straight to
his mother crying.
?
Son: Mum I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls but I can't date
any of them because dad is their father!
?
The mother hugs him affectionately and says:
"My love, u can date whoever u want. He isn't your father" :x =))

Sensex is down. Gold & Property not affordable. Invest in relations &
friendship. the only promising investment to get returns.

What is Tension?

1 Sunder Ladki Ne Sirf Apse Lift Maangi

Raste Me Uski Tabiyat Kharab Ho Gai

Aap Use Hospital Le Gaye
Dr. Bola - Ap Baap Banne Wale Ho

LO JI HO GAYI TENSION

Aap Bole Main Iska Baap Nhi Hu

Fir Ladki Boli Yahi Iska Baap h

OR TENSION

Police Aayi Aapka Medical Checkp hua

Report Aayi Ki Aap To Kabhi Baap Hi Nhi Ban Sakte

Apko or Tension
apne thank GOD Kaha
or nikal liye
fir socha ghar pe jo 2 bache h vo kiske h
THIS IS REAL TENSION..

Rightly said by a married man....
I was a dude before marriage...
....
....
....
now I am subdued !

Demotion of Salman Khan:

2009-Wanted =IPS

2010-Dabang =Inspector

2011 =BodyGuard

UpcomingFilms-

2012 :securityGuard

2013 =WatchMan

2014 :postman
Then!

A student grabbed a coin, Flipped it in the air & said, "Head, I go to
sleep." Tail, I watch a movie. If it stands on the edge I'll study.

Sardar calls:Doctor my wife is pergnant. She is having pain right now.
Doctor: Is this her first child?
Sardar: No this is her husbnd speak.

Boxing match boxerne 1 min me doosre ko knock-out kar dia. Pati:Oh
Shit! Biwi: Dekha? Ek minute me khel khatam hone se kitna gussa aata
hai?